I suppose the only time I was ever not on a “fixed income” was when I drove a cab for a couple of years back in the late 80s. With that job, the more, and the more efficiently, I worked, the more money I made. It took about six hours every day to pay my expenses and then whatever money I made was mine so I would work 12 hours, 14 when the boss man let me., That provided me with a new respect and understanding for reputable people who work for themselves.
Raises in most of the jobs I had came with longevity, if they came at all. Generally speaking, I was not paid more when I exceeded expectations, so talk of being on a “fixed income” now that I’m retired strikes me as amusing, in an inside-joke sort of way. Also, it’s ironic because for once, a cost of living “adjustment” is built into my fixed income social security benefits.
We’ve been looking at what we do, and don’t, want to spend money on more carefully lately and so when I talk to someone whose service I no longer require I’ve been playing the fixed- income card. The service providers always want to know why I’m dumping them and I’ve discovered that telling them, “It’s not you, it’s me,” that I’m on a fixed income, not only ends a conversation I don’t want to have, it creates sympathy. When I told the internet service provider that I’d like something cheaper than the warp speed package because, you know, I’m on a fixed income, he kindly referred me to a government program that, should I qualify, would lower our monthly bill even more. We don’t, and it won’t, but still, that was nice to know, that he was concerned about old people.
I’m watching a lot of Andy Griffith and Gunsmoke on TV now. That’s because we did a cost benefit analysis on the entertainment section of the budget and decided that keeping the 15 minutes of MSNBC and CNN we could stand to watch three times a week before we got disgusted wasn’t worth 180 dollars a month. That’s a lot for people on a fixed income, even at a mere six dollars a day.
I unplugged the satellite receiver and took it to FedEx after an easy, “I’m on a fixed income” phone call and I found an inside the house TV antenna at Best Buy that the New York Times product testing division recommends that costs around 20 dollars. To commemorate the occasion I paid with cash, forcing the cashier to count. “I’m on a fixed income,” I said. No questions asked.
Times have changed since we last relied on “rabbit ears” for the free, government-regulated-for- fairness TV of a bygone era, on the 16 inch screen. Rabbit ears: that’s what we called the little telescopic “V” that captured the signal from three or four channels. There are 40 local channels, now, that I can pick up for nothing with an antenna. There are only three or four that are really local, even though they are sent into the air somehow by local transmitters. Even still, 40 channels is a deal. Our favorite shows are on, the PBS Newshour, Price is Right, Jeopardy, and the Henry Louis Gates, Jr. show about family roots.
I can catch up on a lot of the Ice Road Truckers episodes I missed and I’ve discovered a show called Buried in the Backyard. It’s on all the time. Apparently, and I was surprised by this, there are enough people being buried in the back yard that the topic warrants a TV show. The people being buried in the backyard are treated more sympathetically in the show than the people doing the burying, but I have to wonder how long that’s going to last. It’s kind of old- fashioned that way.
It’s painfully clear that women are not treated with a lot of respect most of the time on ‘50s and ‘60s TV. A drunken Captain Binghamton chasing the nurses around on McHale’s Navy looked a lot worse to me than what got Al Franken tossed out of the Senate. Watching my new TV is like going on an archeological dig.
Black and white Andy Griffith is good and early Gunsmoke is also best with Chester, like Barney. Actress Amanda Blake is allowed a much richer Miss Kitty character than most of her contemporaries. She and Marshal Dillon are peers.
The first day I watched Gunsmoke after I got the antenna, Marshal Dillon gave Chester responsibility for guarding an unruly, crotchety, and befuddled, law-breaking old man who lied to make himself look good, and who was making life difficult for the good folks of Dodge City, Kansas, with the encouragement of some of the others. Matt handed Chester a blunt object and said, “If he gives you any trouble, just hit him over the head with this.”
Our expenditures adjustment had immediately paid off.
‘That would do it,’ I said to myself, ‘There’s a lot to be said for that succinct advice, and it’s better than all the analysis I’ve been getting on my satellite TV.’
Somebody just needs to give that old boy a whack.
Music: "The Fishin' Hole" by Earle Hagen - Theme from The Andy Griffith Show
