I have a confession to make-I’m a lead foot. A speed demon. I have always loved to drive fast, and that’s gotten me my fair share of richly deserved speeding tickets. The problem escalated when I became a journalist. I was always in a hurry to get somewhere. As winter approaches, I’m asking you to slow down, to do as I say, not as I did. I learned the hard way, and it was expensive and unnecessary.
Once, I got pulled over on my way to cover a fire. The officer, who could clearly hear the scanner traffic my reporter Anita and I were listening to, handed me back my documentation and told me to slow down. Then he leaned into the car and told Anita she was “in charge” of me. When he’d gone, we laughed hysterically. If she was responsible for me, we were in big trouble. She was an even faster driver than me, which is why I was behind the wheel.
Often, I didn’t get warnings. I got tickets. Plenty of tickets. Twice, I even had to appear in traffic court. There, I learned about the infraction deferral program. In that program, I paid a fee and agreed to obey posted speed limits for one year. If I were to get pulled over again while in the program, I would lose my fee, incur the cost of both tickets, and get points on my license. So, for an entire year, I learned the joys of cruise control and I drove like a normal person.
Of my experiences in traffic court, I will share with you something a judge never wants to hear a speeder say: “I was only going as fast as everyone else was!” I witnessed a fellow defendant persist in this argument and the judge became increasingly infuriated the more this man dug into sorry excuse. He utterly failed to read the room. Down dropped the gavel and the man ended up owing not only the cost of the ticket, but contempt fines, too. I took my lumps and opted for infraction deferral.
On yet another pullover, I pleaded with the officer that my fast driving was due to my heavy Dr. Martens and my runaway Toyota, He was dubious. How he knew the exact makes and models of Toyotas on recall astounded me, and he knew mine was not one of them. Another time, I was traveling to Fort Wayne with another reporter Dave, and we got pulled over again, due to my break-neck driving. When I rolled down the window and handed the officer my documentation, I cried briefly and asked him to return to the right side of the car because if he got hit on my call, I’d never live it down. When I rolled the window up, Dave applauded my “Academy Award winning performance.” He said if he’d have tried that, he be sitting in the back of the cruiser, handcuffed and waiting for a full-body search. It’s now standard procedure for the officer to approach the right side of the vehicle after pulling over a driver.
Even after my journalism career ended, I still struggled to slow down. I got pulled over three more times in an 18-month period, twice for speeding and once for speeding and reckless driving. All three times, I got warnings. The officer on the last stop could’ve impounded my car and arrested me, but he was generous that day and he also cut me loose with a warning. He was younger either of my kids, and when he returned my license, registration, and insurance card, I touched him gently on the arm and said through my tears said, “thank you, baby!” Had I just sexually harassed an officer of the law, who’d given me a massive break?
I hit bottom when Sister Damian, the former director of transportation at my workplace, found out about my lead foot and told me that if I got pulled over one more time, she would be retraining me in a golf cart, which is how she teaches our Sisters from India and Vietnam to drive. Then she added, “And we’ll start in the cemetery, where you can’t hurt anyone!” Ouch!
Now, I have a clean record with no points on my license, and I’m relearning the joys of cruise control. I wish you all safe travels this holiday season. And please, don’t drive like I did!
Music: "I Fought the Law" by The Clash
