Well, that was all a lot. Christmas, I mean; or Yule, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah. The family, the gifts, the food prep, over-consumption, endless marketing and coordinating all the glee that comes in this dark part of the year. It is a lot, but it does lift our spirits. Most of us are almost through the tinsel-draped chaos, holding out now for a New Year. Please, Santa, don’t stop now; we need a good year(not even a great one). Something that feels safer and more comfortable, more hopeful, than this past year masquerading as a dumpster fire. Please?
We huddle against the dark and cold with leftover tasty food and new presents, and a sense of love muddled with exhaustion. Maybe there was no one to spend time with, no family traditions to enjoy with family. Or there were too many people, too much conflict, too much of everything.
We might feel let down, getting the wrong gift even though we gave the details and maybe a web link. Or maybe other people did not receive our gifts well? Sure, it might just be that the receiver isn’t a joyful, expressive human. It doesn’t mean they didn’t like it… right? Hours spent huddled in the basement with glue gun burns and sequins and… Or maybe it is yarn. So much yarn, but the side of the thing is wonky, and you just aren’t sure. No, it won’t look store-bought. No, it won’t be perfect, but the imperfections show our love.
Post-holiday relief is mixed with letdown.You might be a parent that really does not enjoy the holiday concert that lasts two hours in a hot overstuffed gym that smells like new Christmas sweatshirts and adolescent body odor. One might feel guilty even exposing this traitorous view to the open Christmas lighted air. Maybe, hypothetically, this is the first year you have ever had a Christmas Sweatshirt, and maybe wearing it made the entire ordeal more festive.
We might be missing family and friends who are not around this year. There are many reasons why they might not be beside us, and all of them hurt our hearts. Our connection to other people makes holidays come alive. Feeling disconnected dims our light. It can be hard to ‘holiday’ during a loss. Not having enough money to buy the basics can put a pall on our joy. We cannot always see where other people’s pain lives. That jerk in the store might just be scared his car will get repo’d. The mom at your kid’s school who seems unfriendly? She might feel tired and unattractive and forgotten in her motherhood. Being human is a lot.
And what if you felt clumsy and awkward during the holidays? Maybe your faith practices have changed, or are different from your families’? If you do not believe in a miracle babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, are you allowed to just enjoy the lightness of the season without him? This was a very real challenge for me, as I deconstruct from Christianity, heading back to a more Unitarian Universalist view of the world and spirituality. How can I rectify the Jesus I love, with the people in the world calling out his name in prayers but maligning every single person who he would love and care for?
Holidays could feel false with all the challenging, multifaceted aspects of being human. I found myself leaning into the darkness this year instead of recoiling from it. I lit candles and twinkle lights. I shared the uncomfortable truth of my messy faith changes with dear friends, several of whom could relate. I reached towards Yule, exploring the origins of Christmas. I baked with cinnamon for abundance. We lit Advent candles at dinner. My husband John made his mom’s holiday punch since she no longer makes it. We hold the memory of her warm house and the punch on the stove in our hearts. Then we do it for ourselves, carrying on family traditions even as we discover new ones.
No matter the season, I want to remain curious. I want to keep learning and celebrating even the smallest parts of life with the people around me. As the sparkle of the holidays fades, leftovers disappear, and new toys become just… toys, we don’t have to let the spirit of the season slip away. We can choose to celebrate the ordinary moments of daily life. We can reach out, help others, and show up whenever we’re aware and able. After all, the magic of any holiday begins with ordinary people. I hope we all decide to keep love, celebration, and a bit of magic alive all year long.
Music: "Happy Holiday" from Holiday Inn sung by Bing Crosby
