How present are you in the world? How aware are you of the sensations, the sheer sensuality around you? And before you panic—don’t worry, this is completely G-rated! No need to cover the kids’ ears just yet. But this is important, so stay with me.
I was pondering my own neediness today—my only-child self still clamoring for attention like a dog who just heard the treat cabinet open. And as I examined our habits—not yours, of course, you are above reproach, but other people’s, maybe mine—I noticed something curious. Everything, and I mean everything, can be distilled into the five senses. Every quirk, every little social tic, it all comes down to seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, or tasting. And if you’re licking things to be noticed, we may need to have a separate conversation.
One of my favorite authors, Gretchen Rubin, wrote Life in Five Senses. I haven’t read it yet, but it’s definitely on my TBR pile. (That’s “To Be Read” for those of you who don’t collect books like they’re rare Pokémon.) She even has a quiz to help you discover your “most neglected” sense. I’ll link it online, but let’s be honest—you’ll forget to take it.
Now, let’s break this down with some real-life examples. The older person in your life who tells the same story on an endless loop like it’s their personal podcast? They’re not trying to bore you into an early nap. They just want to be heard. They want to know someone is listening, that their words won’t disappear into the void of forgotten grocery lists and lost socks.
Then there’s the person who types out text messages with the precision of a 15th-century scribe, crafting paragraphs that belong in an email—or better yet, a novel. They don’t just want to talk; they want to be understood. They want their words to be seen, appreciated, maybe even admired. And let’s be real—email is a hassle. If I have to remember another password, I might just start communicating exclusively through interpretive dance.
And then there are the oversharers on social media. Oh, you know the ones. The folks who post every meal, every outfit, every fleeting thought that crosses their mind. They just want to be seen. And when she posts that selfie, the likes and comments reassure her that yes, she exists, and no, that new haircut was not a mistake. We live in a world where reality TV, social media, and a 24-hour news cycle tell us that being noticed means being valuable. Silence on a post? A tragedy. A crisis. A reason to spiral into an existential crisis over whether anyone actually likes you or if they just tolerate you for your Disney+ password.
Let’s talk about smell. You know that person whose scent lingers in a room long after they’ve left? They don’t just enjoy perfume. They want to be remembered. They want their presence to linger in your mind—and your nostrils—forever. The cologne, the lotions, the hairspray—it’s all a scented calling card, a way of saying, "Hey, don’t forget me." Just pray they’re not into overly aggressive patchouli.
And then we have touch. The person who always tidies up after everyone, who seeks out hugs, who clings to fleeting touches like a koala on a eucalyptus tree? They just want to be felt. The national organization Free Mom Hugs exists because sometimes, a simple hug is the only way to remind someone they matter. Some people volunteer for hugs. Others awkwardly stiffen like a board and pat your back like you’re a malfunctioning Roomba. Either way, touch is powerful.
Now, I promised this would be G-rated, so I’ll leave taste up to your imagination. But let’s just say, if you’ve ever been kissed, you already know it plays a part.
Here is my challenge to all of us: Put the phone down. Look around. Take a deep breath through your nose. Stand in line and actually be in line, without scrolling. Resist the urge to bring your phone into the bathroom like it’s some kind of emotional support device. Just take a moment to experience the world through all your senses, to really be present. It might be surprising what we notice when we start sensing.
Music: "Moonshadow" by Cat Stevens
