I’m struggling with my time zones again.
Three times in the last week, I have found myself sending an email with a variation on the following: The party will be next Saturday, hope you can make it. Or this Saturday, we will be having our meeting – don’t forget to join us.
The problem is, I continually find myself tripping over the question of when THIS stops and NEXT begins. When I say Next Saturday, is that the same as saying This Saturday? Are the two words interchangeable, or is there some secret formula that I missed out on learning in middle school? Perhaps this is all the result of growing up on the wrong side of the Atlantic.
In my confusion, I consulted my mother. Mum, I said, what’s the difference between THIS and NEXT?
She and I debated this at the local Martin’s Grocery question over a cup of coffee. Around us, customers were sizing up pineapples, sorting salad greens and brandishing the local section of the paper. Meanwhile, our heads were locked together, deep in thought. Perhaps it’s a question of lead-time, we decided: the number of days’ advance warning one needs to give, when shifting from THIS to NEXT.
For example, we reasoned: Say today is Friday, then next Monday is three days from now - right? We could all agree on that. But if it's Monday, what does Thursday become? My mother said (using the three-day rule) that Thursday would become next Thursday. I wasn’t so sure - perhaps we should say that Thursday is THIS Thursday, and let NEXT Thursday be seven days after that. At this point, we decided we needed another cup of coffee…
After batting around a number of THIS/NEXT scenarios, we came up with new idea. Maybe it all depends on the weekend. If there's a weekend between today and the day to which one is looking ahead - then the coming day is automatically NEXT. But if there is no intervening weekend, then that day is THIS - with the NEXT coming following the first occurring weekend.
Thus this Monday is actually next Monday, at least until Sunday. Or some such.
To complicate matters, we realized that sometimes the word THIS is used to refer to days recently past. As in: I just went to the store this Monday. Though again, a preferred variant would probably be to use the word "past" in conjunction. Making: I just went to the store this past Monday.
Now, by this point you may be feeling annoyed at such linguistic sophistry (always wanted to use that phrase). Well, imagine what it's been like for me for the past three decades, caught in grammatical limbo - never knowing what to expect next - so to speak.
Well, I reckon it's time for a radical solution. Because obviously even my mother is unable to help unscramble things for me for good. From this point on, I shall adapt my discourse as follows. When referring to a particular day or date, I shall say LAST only when referring to events in the past. The word THIS shall refer solely to days in the current calendar week. And NEXT will be reserved for the week following this one. Except of course when speaking of yesterday during a normal week. Or describing next week on a Sunday, which probably bleeds over into being a THIS rather than NEXT situation.
I think I'm sunk. Perhaps someone out there can sort this out for me.
In the meantime: Until next time - I think.
Music: “How Soon Is Now?” by The Smiths
